Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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