but the lizard people decide everything anyway
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize