I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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