You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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