peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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