why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
