you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
