My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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