I wish you could order shots online.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
