capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
