Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
