Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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