I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
