sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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