His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
