Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
