The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
