every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
