His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
