I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
