dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
