I can text with my tongue
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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