He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
