youre lurking in front of me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
