when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
