She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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