I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
