No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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