I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
