where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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