I want to walk on stilts...naked
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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