How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
