I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there was a trapeze. enough said
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
