Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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