She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
