i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
