There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize