would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize