Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
