Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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