Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
