I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
