I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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