So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
