When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
