I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
