make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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