so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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