i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
