East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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