What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
