I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
