I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
