i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
