Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
