Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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