it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want to be your penis for a week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
