I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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