Yo dont text me then not text me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
