just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
