ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
