she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
