i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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