She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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