I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
