I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
