Moan for me like Helen Keller
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
