She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
