sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
