You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
