I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
