went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
