BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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