Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
