the condom got lost in my hair
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
